


Gaze

by tylashke



Series: Sakura and Tattoos [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-09
Updated: 2010-11-09
Packaged: 2018-03-15 08:56:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3441161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tylashke/pseuds/tylashke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Renji watches Byakuya. Why? Ren(Bya).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gaze

**Author's Note:**

> Renji POV, inspired by the prompt "Renji would always watch him."  
> Beta-ed by the wonderful argentum_luna (on LJ)

It was his gaze. Renji had no explanation for it. Right from the very first time he had seen Kuchiki-taicho, no, he had still been _Kuchiki Byakuya_ then, that gaze had held his attention.

He did not have many encounters with his current Captain before his promotion. All that motivated him to be more powerful was that pair of cold grey eyes, which had dismissed him as if he was nothing. On the day that he reported to his new Captain, he felt the same cool gaze _scrutinise_ him from head to toe, before seeming to dismiss him. That only strengthened his resolve to compete against his Captain.

While his time at the Sixth could be considered short thus far, it did not take him long to distinguish between Kuchiki-taicho’s moods based on his gaze. In fact, after a few rounds of trial and error, and a particular bad episode, where he had interrupted his Captain without realising that he was in a bad mood, Renji made himself learn how to spot when Kuchiki-taicho was in a bad mood.

Differentiating between his other moods took more time, given their subtlety and Renji’s occasional lack of it. On more than one occasion, Kuchiki-taicho spotted him and asked, gaze sharpening immediately, “Abarai, do you have a question for me?” “No, Taicho. I was just thinking about something.” The first time Renji answered, he struggled to keep his expression normal. After his Captain seemed to accept his answer though, he used it almost every other time he was spotted. Aside from the usual sarcastic retort one would associate with Kuchiki-taicho, he was spared any further questioning.

Having observed his Captain, Renji was able to differentiate his common expressions. There was the usual neutral gaze, or rather what he thought of as the _‘You’re nothing compared to me’_ gaze. There were three more – one of concentration, _‘Can’t you see I’m working’_ , one of satisfaction, _‘This is reasonable’_ , and one of irritation, _‘You’re getting on my nerves’_. The four did not differ much beyond a slight widening or narrowing of his eyes, as well as what they were focused on.

Every time he caught sight of the last, his first thought was usually, _‘What did I screw up this time?’_ He learnt to avoid pushing his Captain’s buttons over time, and was now more amused when someone else got Kuchiki-taicho pissed off. More often than not, it led to an expression he termed, _‘You will fucking do this or die’_.

Though Renji saw Kuchiki-taicho’s gaze of amusement more often than most people, despite only being just slightly more than what he can count on one hand, there were only been three or perhaps four other times that he saw other emotions in his Captain’s gaze.

He often wondered how his Captain would have looked at him after the battle where he had first released his bankai. Before he had passed out, Renji thought he had caught a glimpse of acknowledgement in the cool grey gaze. Up to this date, he was not sure, but he had kept the white scarf his Captain had left behind – the meaning behind it was by far more important to him than many other things.

After his Captain’s battle with Ichigo, he had caught sight of a brief moment of something that seemed like confusion, then a slightly longer moment of what seemed to be acceptance and acknowledgement, before his gaze returned to its usual aloof one.

While his Captain had been recovering after the battle, he had decided to deliver Kuchiki-taicho’s lunch himself instead of a random Fourth Division member. The door was open and absentmindedly, he forgot to knock before he stepped in.

The look on his Captain’s face seemed enough reason not to knock. Never before had he seen Kuchiki-taicho seem so relaxed, raven black hair blowing in the gentle breeze; even his gaze seemed carefree, without its usual trappings.

That tranquil moment shattered when there came a knock on the door from the Fourth’s Captain. “Oh Kuchiki-taicho, I see your Lieutenant has brought your lunch.” Within a split second, the usual gaze _snapped_ into place, though his Captain’s expression still looked slightly softer than usual. Though he stayed throughout Kuchiki-taicho’s lunch, the expression never once returned.

Though he had never once seen the carefree expression again, there was another subsequent occasion that convinced him Kuchiki-taicho was not as emotionless as everyone made him out to be. There had been an emergency one night and Renji was tasked to inform his Captain. Escorted to the room Kuchiki-taicho was supposed to be in by a servant in the Kuchiki manor, he knocked and immediately slid open the door.

Catching his Captain’s gaze immediately, he caught sight of what was unmistakably sorrow and longing before it disappeared when he blinked, only to be replaced by very obvious irritation. “Abarai, what are you doing here?”

Gulping, Renji replied, “Taicho, there’s an emergency and your presence is required…” He continued explaining what had happened and by the time they reached their Division quarters, there seemed to an unspoken understanding that nothing would be said of what he had seen.

A few days later, he met Rukia for lunch. Over bowls of ramen, Renji suddenly recalled his Captain’s expression that night. _‘I wonder why Taicho went home early that day.’_ He only realised he had spoken it aloud when Rukia asked, looking rather concerned, “Which day was it?”

After he told her, she began counting on her fingers then answered seriously, “Eto… Renji, you’re not supposed to tell this to anyone else. That was my sister, Hisana’s death anniversary.” She paused, and he struggled to make the connection. “She was married to Nii-sama.” That had been another step into his Captain’s private life.

More recently, Renji had observed something different while training with his Captain. Kuchiki-taicho’s expressions had softened slightly after his battle with Ichigo and had surprisingly agreed to train with him. As Renji honed his bankai, tackling Senbonzakura Kageyoshi, he caught sight of some degree of enjoyment reflected within the calm grey gaze on more than once.

It seemed that he had stepped on a path to no return once he made that observation, for he wanted his Captain to experience that sense of enjoyment more often, like he did. He was satisfied when his Captain was and felt irritated when it was reflected in his Captain’s cool grey eyes.

Renji had no idea how he had fallen so hard and fast, especially for someone like Kuchiki-taicho, someone he had disliked immensely in the not too distant past. He could not think of any explanation, save the fact that he acutely felt his Captain’s gaze following him around. Whenever he was in a particular mood, he could feel a similar gaze observing him silently, as if in approval.

As it progressed, he found that he could imagine gazes with expressions he had never once observed. As his bankai training progressed, he could feel his Captain enjoying himself from his occasional sideway glances at his face and it finally got to the stage where he could feel Kuchiki-taicho’s gaze as he pleasured himself, getting off to the image of a more human version of his Captain.

By then, Renji knew he had to call a stop somewhere, since his Captain would make nothing of it. Although he was rather tempted to think of his Captain as _‘Byakuya’_ , he had resolutely refused, knowing this would only be another step towards being closer to Kuchiki-taicho in his mind.

It finally got to the point where it was unbearable one day. He managed to make his Captain break into a sweat during their training, something he had never done before. During an occasional glance, Renji not only caught sight of enjoyment in the cool grey eyes, but silent approval as well. _‘Finally, Kuchiki-taicho approves of me.’_

After the training, he headed straight back to his office, all sweaty and unbelievably hard. _‘Fuck! If observing Taicho’s gonna lead to this every time, I really must be an ass for self torture to actually continue doing it.’_ Sitting down and freeing the engorged, throbbing organ, he allowed his fingers to brush over the sensitive tip, before gripping it firmly. As a pair of grey eyes surfaced in his mind, gazing at him with some enjoyment and a touch of warmth, he moved his hand up and down slowly.

As it got bigger under the constant stroking, Renji closed his eyes and allowed himself to allow his imagination to run wild. His other hand snapped the band that held his hair in place before creeping up to an exposed nipple, playing with it, in tune with the rhythm of his movements. In his mind, the gaze had turned warm, with the grey pupils expanding ever so slightly. As his hands stepped up their pace, he felt himself getting closer and closer to the edge.

The moment he reached the point of no return, things began to go wrong. “Bya-” _‘Shit!’_ He thought as he bit down on his tongue as waves of pleasure crashed over him.

Back arched and torso streaked with streams of white, Renji heard the door open. “Abarai, I need the…” Cool grey eyes met hazed brown ones and held them for several seconds before his Captain turned, voice sounding several degrees colder. “Clean up and come to my office.”

The redhead had no idea how he looked in his Captain’s eyes – crimson hair lying over his sweaty face, hakama open to reveal his well built body, streaked with white, still throbbing cock softening in his hand. _‘Fuck. I’m done for. He probably thinks I’m some sort of pervert.’_ Sighing, he locked the door before anyone else could enter and cleaned himself with the towel he kept in his office.

Retying his hair and straightening his robes, thankful they had not been stained, the Lieutenant headed to his Captain’s office. He knocked once and waited for permission to enter, almost eagerly anticipating the gaze of his Captain, knowing that it would tell him what sort of trouble he was in.


End file.
